Having ADD

I have ADD (Attention Defecit Disorder, for those of you who live under a rock and have not seen commercials for all the pills who fix this affliction.).  It has never been officially diagnosed (mostly because I spend so much time at the doctor for all my other mental problems that my ADD almost seems trivial.). This can be helpful at times, even though I have yet to discover when those times are, and it can be sorely misunderstood and annoying at others.

Before I sat down to write this, I had to set up a playlist on my computer. It consisted of Enya, Akon, The Band Perry, Johnny Cash (I liked him before he was cool), Celtic Woman, Hinder, India.Arie, Britney Spears, Blue October, Robert Earl Keen and some Dvorjiak. This should give you some insight into my mind. I can no more settle on a genre of music for an hour of writing than I can settle on a set of tasks for any given amount of time. This leads to me rarely being bored, but it also leads to a lot of unfinished projects. (Side note: the one thing that keeps my undivided attention is the show Breaking Bad. Let’s make some blue meth! Who am I kidding? I’d get bored with that, too.) Even just now, writing this paragraph, I completely lost my train of thought and forgot what I was doing because my cat and I were playing with a string.  And this is normal. It can take me days to write a two page blog.

By the time I was 21, I counted up that I had had 26 jobs. Granted, I had started working young. I never stayed anywhere long. There was always something better on the horizon, something new to learn, something to satisfy the itch of curiosity. When I was 6, people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up and I would proudly answer, “A singer, a dancer, a teacher, a policewoman, a firefighter, a cowboy, a writer, a doctor, a nurse, a vet, an astronaut, and a rodeo clown.” The sky was the limit! I clearly had no concept of school loans at that point, but I wanted to have an exciting life! Being bored was akin to having my arms cut off and as I grew up, that never changed. I have wanted to have every career imaginable! (Except priest. Even from a young age, I knew I could never be that corrupt.)  I have since started schooling for nursing and quit. Then started schooling to become a helicopter pilot and been forced to give it up. I really think, though, that being a pilot would be the perfect career for me. It’s exciting and if something goes wrong, you can bet your ADD will be forced to focus. Or you will die. I have since become a stay at home mommy. And while some days, it is mind numbingly boring, looking at my baby girl (my four year old “baby” that just started kindergarten) makes it all worth it. Plus, it has led to some really funny stories. I plan on going back to school sometime in the near future, but the problem is, I cannot for the life of me decide what to go for. Now that I have a family and I understand school loans, the money can’t be spent and wasted waiting for me to decide. In recent months I have contemplated becoming a Physicians Assistant, Therapist, EMT, Hair Dresser, Phlebotomist (poking people with needles should be super fun), and a crash investigator. I am 27 in a week and I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up, so for now I will be the best mommy and wife I can be.

Being a staying at home mom comes with the typical duties like cooking, cleaning and dancing around lie an idiot with my music full blast when no one is home. I have kind of skimped out on the cooking unless you count Ramen and hot dogs. It’s just not my thing. I’ve ruined canned chili before. Plus, cooking things with more skill than Mac n’ Cheese takes so incredibly long. You are stuck in the kitchen waiting for water to boil and stirring things for God knows how long, then putting things in the oven for hours and hours! And peeling potatoes! The same repetitive motion, over and over and over and over and there’s not even anything interesting to look at. You have to stare at the digital clock on the stove and that only reminds you how long you’ve been doing these menial tasks. Then there is the hazards of cooking. Hot, popping grease in a frying pan terrifies me! I would rather take a slug to the gut.  My husband gets scared when I am in the kitchen so I avoid it all together.  It’s probably just as well. My cooking can cause cancer. I am also not the best housekeeper because of my ADD. My husband will come home and ask me what I have been doing all day. I automatically get defensive and say, “What are you talking about? I have been cleaning all day! See? I scrubbed the wall right here, took out the trash in our bathroom, mopped the dining room, cleaned out the guest bathroom closet, crocheted a cat toy, dusted the computer desk, washed a load of laundry, reorganized the girls toy box, cleaned the car out, vacuumed the little rug in front of the kitchen sink, cloroxed all the light switches, swept under the couch, arranged all my shampoos and soaps from least full to most full (I have a few OCD tendencies as well), brushed one of the cats, and cleaned under the computer mouse!” “But honey- breakfast from this morning is still out. And dinner from last night. And it looks like a bomb went off in our living room. .  And there is still about 78 loads of laundry to be done.”  “I’m TRYING! Why don’t you see anything I do? You don’t appreciate me! Why don’t you do the laundry then?!” Then I run away and cry until I realize I have five lives on Candy Crush I haven’t obliterated yet. My poor husband.  He is one of those people that can actually say, “I am gonna pick up the house today.” And then he proceeds to clean, from room to room, and in a matter of hours the entire house is spotless! It’s like watching a miracle take place! Suffice to say, I am a little jealous of his abilities.

I have had people tell me they wished they had ADD because they would never be bored. Let me just tell you all out there in internet land that it is not really that fun. It can be annoying as all hell. I don’t speak for everyone with ADD, but I personally cannot finish any tasks and I am constantly forgetting things. Carrying on conversations can be difficult because they often go like this:

Me: I heard the funniest joke the other day! Do you want to hear it?

Random person I am conversing with: Sure!

Me: Ok, so there were three guys on a boat and they were fishing. They were using magical bait. Oh my God! Did You hear that news story about the guy who flushed his cat down the toilet and tried to blame his neighbor?

Random Person: Umm…I don’t get it…

You don’t want ADD. It has provided a lot of laughs for the people around me and myself, but that’s only because I have an awesome sense of humor. If you are a stick in the mud, you will have a really hard time with it. That being said, next time you are talking to your friend or loved one with ADD, be easy on them. My bet is they are really trying hard to focus but their brains just get too easily distracted and the world is an exciting place, so full of wonderment and pretty things and random thoughts. Laugh along with them when they are in the middle of a story and they run off to chase butterflies. And yes, this has happened to me.